Your resume is a window into your work soul, but, come on, we know we’re not really telling the whole story, right?

While you may boast about how productivity increased 300% at your last job (despite the fact you had nothing to do with it) or that you know how to use Excel (which you don’t), there are just a boatload of other facts we don’t share with prospective employers. And that’s too bad because those facts are the interesting ones. You know, the ones you brag about friends and then say, “It’s too bad I could never use that to get a job.”

Let’s be honest — you can’t write “can touch tongue with nose,” “able to drink a whole beer in under five seconds” or “once binge-watched Fuller House,” which is tragic. Those are the accomplishments and talents where you really shine and are most proud of sharing. A potential boss may not care.

Twitter certainly cares, though. That’s why #HighlightsOfMyResume was trending on Monday (June 19). The hashtag gave people the opportunity to express those skills they’d like to put on their CV. Who knows, maybe somebody looking to make a hire will be amused by someone with a flare for getting likes and retweets by being snarky?

Highly motivated procrastinator

— Tom Malvaso (@TomMalvaso) June 19, 2017

I'm an expert at looking like I'm very busy.#HighlightsOfMyResume

— Shane (@shanepatrick70) June 19, 2017

Works well with others when left alone. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Lissa ✌️ (@_lola_bee) June 19, 2017

Interviewer : Why do you need this job?

Me : Well I've always been very passionate about not starving to death #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Magnus Lewis (@magnuslewis263) June 19, 2017

Skills: I use there, their, and they're correctly every time in conversation. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Helen (@helenmaryme) June 19, 2017

#HighlightsOfMyResume Will work overtime for frozen treats

— Lisa Leyrer (@Lisaley) June 19, 2017

My font is amazing. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Shea Browning (@SheaBrowning) June 19, 2017

It's been one day since my last outburst. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Jorge Valdez (@J_Valdez24) June 19, 2017

When I wanted to PRETEND to do something about the SERIOUS, protracted issue of Mideast peace…

I went to Jared.

— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) June 19, 2017

I type 6,000 characters per minute with my eyes closed.

*Holding down the f key

— Yaron Melman (@NrouteHQ) June 19, 2017

Blocked by the President of the United States. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) June 19, 2017

Fredonia State College Beer Pong Champion 1990.

— Susan Okonczak (@officiallySue) June 19, 2017

Ability to rap miscellaneous Eminem songs. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Lori Ann (@MotherofDroids) June 19, 2017

High-level procrastinator #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Jorge Valdez (@J_Valdez24) June 19, 2017

#HighlightsOfMyResume I only Twitter a little at work.

— Biggie Skulls (@BigHeadSports) June 19, 2017

#HighlightsOfMyResume proficient in anything that has a YouTube tutorial

— uppity twat (@MissSkele) June 19, 2017

Will work overtime for beer #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Nikola Radović Fanta (@Nikoradfan) June 19, 2017

Voted most likely to sexually harass women in the workplace at 17 different jobs.

— 1A 2A CONSERVATIVE (@28over87) June 19, 2017


I have the ability to become they best disappointment money can buy!

— TashaLaShellStenger (@LaShellStenger) June 19, 2017

Single, ready to mingle. #HighlightsOfMyResume

— Tamim Almousa (@Tumammin) June 19, 2017

#HighlightsOfMyResume graduated kindergarten

— W. Snoopy (@wwsnoopy1) June 19, 2017

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